Colonel Gossy (gossfather) wrote,
Colonel Gossy
gossfather

'TWAS THE DAY BEFORE MY NEW JOB

So I wake up this morning, go downstairs and my hall carpet has about twenty different bumps in it. I immediately think that it's tree roots (loads of stupid, big, old trees by me) and then my mind races to subsidense, which is pretty much the worst possible thing that can happen, bar my house spontaneously combusting (which happened to Vince McMahon a few weeks ago, causing Benoit to go insane) so I start pulling the carpet up...gently, gently...and then a massive section rips off in my hand and I go flying into the wall, cue a lot of shouting and swearing which wakes me Grandmother up. Who promptly tells me there's lumps in the carpet, No! Really?

So, after I compose myself (and put my Grandmother back to bed) I realise the carpet is tacked in a LOT of places, so I ring my father and ask if he has a tacking gimmick thing, he does and will bring it down.

'Twas the day before my new job, when all through the house,
Big lumps were stirring, it wasn't a mouse;

I sat in misery on the hallway stair,
In hopes that my Father soon would be there;

The cats were crying, wanting to be fed,
While visions of walls collapsing and insurance claims danced in my head;

And my Grandmother in her nighty, and I thinking "Oh crap!",
I settled on the stairs and tried for a quick nap;

When out in the garden there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the stair to see what was the matter;

Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash,
Fell over a cat and tried to kick it's ass;

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a bloody great fox.


Yes, a fox standing in my own lawn as happy as Larry (?). Could he be responsible for my homes imminent demise? No, but he scared the crap out of my spineless felines, he soon ran away when he caught sight of me anyway.

So, my Father arrived and "properly" we pulled back the carpet and discovered....A water leak from somewhere.

THANK YOU JEBUS!

I did this exact dance to celebrate...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVuIBpJ6B4E&mode=related&search=

This really has to be the only occasion I can recall where a water leak is a good thing (well, compared to roots coming into the house it is) so the insurance company was phoned and they'll probably get a plumber or something to see where the leak is actually coming from. (my money's on the new walk-in shower)

So that was my Sunday. New job begins tomorrow. Ever forward!
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